i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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