Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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