that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
