Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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