I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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