Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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