i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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