It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
