do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
