I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
