forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
