I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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