You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
