Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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