Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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