so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
