If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
