After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
