I think I won the penis lottery.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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