So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
