Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
