everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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