she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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