I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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