Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
