fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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