The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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