he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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