nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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