Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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