he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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