I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
