She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize