Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
