the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it