One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)