you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.