There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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