Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
