While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
