Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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