Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
