I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
