So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
