Just took my morning after pill in the library
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
