I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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