I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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