She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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