new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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