Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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