you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
