I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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