woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
