UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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