Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
