She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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