So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were destined to go to rehab together
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
