I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
