i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
