im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
